Just so that if you ever feel lonely, I'll be waiting with hot chocolate and a corny movie for us to make fun of. Or, screw it, we'll have a conversation about politics or whatever. I'm down for anything, just as long as you're fulfilled and satisfied with your night's appetite for adventure or fun.

The moment I walked into the room was the moment I cringed
Like a baby cat curling up into a ball from the cold
Life seized to exist to me anymore
Time froze, it felt like a millenium walking to you
And I was eternally looking at your body

Wanted to cry but nothing seemed to come out
I was numb, I felt nothing
At that point, all I wanted was to feel pain & sorrow
Hovering over you felt endless
Why? Why now?

If Jesus came from the dead then, why can't you now?
There I sat with you cold winter hand grasped with mine
Taking in all the heavy grief I could humanly swallow
Though to myself how God could be so shallow
A few months ago you were here & then poof; you're gone

Felt like I was stabbed in my heart
And my soul was left to decompose
Imagining & replaying your screams of agony before you left
It echoed in my ears continuously
And there I was lying to myself that I was happy

The last thing you grasped onto was a cross with Jesus nailed onto it
I just wished you had grasped more life into you
Medicine pills were collected over your room
Your dead presense devoured the living essense out of me
Without knowing it, a part of me had died

The sight of you left everyone else's sprirts in crutches
And then there I was, the only breathing being in your room
Just me and you alone to talked
I talked out loud as if you were still there
A breeze rolls through the window & I felt God hovering over the both of us

Finally, some of the most depressing tears drip down my eyes
All I wanted was you to wake for just one minute
There was so much I wanted to convey to you one last time
But you never open your eyes so I kissed you on the forehead
Said, "I love you, I miss you, God better take care of you, goodbye..."

Your funeral brought the whole family together
I sat down throughout the whole session looking at your body in the casket
Baskets of flowers surrounded you
And you looked absolutely beautiful in the whole scenery
You found home, you found the Good Life

Then I went up to the microphone in front of your crowd
I said a few verses in the book of Luke
Stuttered at the lines I tried to say clearly
But it was too hard to speak with you lying right beside me
Walked away from the stand knowing that would be the last day I would see you

Service had ended & I spent my time appreciating you one last time
They closed the casket along with your light
Without you alive, there seemed to be only darkness
My life was so broken to put it back together
And truth was, I hated God...

I lost it when I attended C.I. 2009; there was just too much pain for me to contain. But I renewed my faith and I came back to trusting in God. I had made a promise to never let you down, and in order to do that, I became happy. Your death only made me stronger and now I can feel your kiss on my cheek everytime I sleep. Somewhere, you're in heaven smiling at me right now, and I can't help but smile.

I'm happy, I promise you.
I'll never let you down, I promise you.
I miss you.
I Love You Aunty Vergy.
Say "Hi" to God for me

I found that your death was just another obstacle, not a dead end
There's no point for me to stay in a sulking state
So I just....Go

They say I'm too complex
For simple minds

They say my issues can't be comprehended
But instead turned into stupidity

They say I'm cocky
When all I'm doing is pretending

They say I'm an annoying kid
Truth is, I'm an intelligent young man trying to supress pain

They say my efforts will pay off one day
Well, it may not, because they're not me

They say I must love myself before anyone else
I question, "What love is there left in me to give?"

They say my aunty & great grandmother are in a better place now
Then why is it pieces of me feel like they're still in pain?

They say if I was more of a jerk to girls
That maybe I would have a better chance

They say time makes the heart grow fonder
What if there's no such thing as time? That happiness makes the heart grow fonder

They say life might just be a dream
If that's true, then one day, maybe I'll wake up next to Her

They say for me to do it alone
Must move on without looking back

They say mistakes make you a better person
Why is it I'm still making the same mistakes over and over?

They say to take a picture of them
I'm always the guy taking the picture, never the one in them

They say she just wasn't the one for me
Then why do I seem to be the only damn guy who sees that she deserves better?

They say we're living in the world of hell
I always refer to Blu and I say, "We're just below the heavens."

They say no one knows that heaven looks like
Well, I believe we must imagine a heaven & that is what is recieved

They say I talk to much
When all I want is to say enough than not saying anything at all

They say I'm a pussy when it comes to girls
It's just that insecurity consumes me more than ever

They say my poems aren't what they're looking for
Fuck that. My poetry is an overflow of my emotions that are meant for feeling, not looking

They say I'm wierd, dramatic, and awkward
I'm just naturally misunderstood

They say I'm an asshole
When all I want to do is compromise

They say I hide a whole other side of me
And they're right, that other side is just too hard to show

They say I can't keep a conversation going
All I think about is what to say next, but I'm afraid of a negative comment

They say I believe in too many things
I believe I can believe in whatever the hell I want to believe in

They say I complain more than needed
Truth is that all I want to do is keep these emotions inside all the time

They say I'm a regret they made
When they're an amazing blessing to me

They say a kiss will bring you to realization
They're right, I realized so much, more than I could ever devise

They say a lot of things about me
Karma is right around the corner & I'm smiling all the way

They say I'm nothing more than another guy
I say, "I'm an ordinary guy with an extraordinary life; I'm Bryann Frankie Lucero Jr."

I hope that this poem has made you accept my traits and aspects. It's okay if you don't, because as I said, I'm misunderstood. And if you ever give up on me or degrade me, just know that I don't care, because I definately know that I'll never go to your low level.

Don't think this is all the things that go inside my head, not even close. When the day comes you want to know more about me, just ask me what you want to learn, I'll be more than happy.

I'm happy, that's just the greatest truth, and I don't give a shit what anyone says. I'll smile because I deserve to, I'll be free because I deserve to, I'll keep trying because I deserve to, I'll be complicated because it's the person I am. One day, maybe I'll make sense to you, but I highly doubt that day will ever come.

Since I don't care what they say, then why should you?

Whatever.

Peace, and much to you.